U.S.A. Flag’s Stars to be Replaced with Crosses

On Thursday, the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals ruled in favor of a regulation to remove some of the stars on the U.S. flag in favor of religious crosses. The legislation was initially introduced in Alabama and was quickly mimicked by other southern states. Evangelical Christians, Senator Roy Enbrieder from Mississippi and Florida Governor Rick Scott held a celebratory rally today outside of Enbreider’s palatial mansion. “This is an important day in our country”, spoke Enbreider, “The federal government has usurped power from the states for long enough. Today, we get some of that power back. Our flag is supposed to represent our great country with each star representing a single state. Yet many of us believe in a symbol much greater than a simple star. We believe in the power of God and the power of our savior Jesus Christ. The courts have agreed, if any state votes in favor of the change, that simple star will be replaced by our magnificent cross.”

Currently there are eight states seeking to replace their star with the cross: Florida, Mississippi, Alabama, Tennessee, Georgia, Idaho, Oklahoma and Kansas. Opponents of the decision have begun preparations to appeal to the U.S. Supreme Court, but it is unlikely to be resolved before the flag change occurs. However, the full ramifications of the Circuit Court’s decision may not have been foreseen by conservatives. Legislation is popping up in multiple states to change their star to something other than a cross. Michigan wants a small mitten though they may have to fight Wisconsin for that honor, Nevada is seeking to replace theirs with a “$” and New York would like an extended middle finger to represent their state. Perhaps the most astounding potential replacement comes from cash-strapped California who will be “renting” out their star to advertisers. Internet service provider, Go Daddy, appears to be the current front runner, though Ikea has also expressed interest. Regardless, in a few months, the U.S. flag will likely be forever altered.