Jon Stewart Exploring Senate Run with Eye on Presidency

Jon Stewart for President. The sentence that makes liberals jump for joy and conservatives tremble in fear. According to sources close to the retiring host of the popular Daily Show, Stewart has formed an exploratory committee for a 2016 Senate run. In much the same way Hillary Clinton has worked her way to Presidential contention, Stewart is believed to be setting himself up to run for the highest office in either 2020 or 2024 depending on the outcome of the 2016 election.

Stewart’s retirement from the highly successful late night Comedy Central show surprised many as he is clearly one of the most respected entertainer/pundits in the country. Attacking issues from a common sense standpoint and satirically ridiculing the responses on both sides of the aisle, Stewart may be the perfect person to bring sanity back to an insane government. The fact is, if he is planning to run for the U.S. Senate his timing couldn’t be better. As to where Stewart might run, my sources state that for the past two years he has been buying homes in states that are expected to have close Senate battles. He is particularly focused on those in which Republicans have a slight edge. “If he can turn a seat red to blue, that’s where he’ll be.” The top possibilities include Wisconsin, Florida and Pennsylvania, all of which have Republican held Senate seats that will be up for grabs in 2016.

The Orbson Oracle conducted an informal poll in each of those states and Stewart was the overwhelming favorite garnering more than 60% of the vote in each. We contacted Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus for a reaction to the Stewart news and his response will likely be mirrored by conservatives throughout the country: “What? He’s doing what?! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Oh man, I think I just shit myself. This isn’t on record is it? Look, I have to go. Fuck!” If Priebus’s response is any indication there will be a lot of republicans shopping for new underwear this weekend.

This article was brought to you by Arby’s: “Arby’s- a burning tummy is a happy tummy!”


Photgraph by: Cliff

Meeting Orbson Rice

Welcome! This is the first of what I hope to be many blogs spreading the wit and wisdom of yours truly, Orbson Rice. In the coming years, I have fond hopes to entertain, energize and piss off legions of readers with my many insights. Since I plan to take you on an exhilarating and wild trip, the least I can do is provide a roadmap. So here comes the hopefully non-boring Q/A portion of this blog:

Who is this great and powerful Orbson Rice?

If you are looking for my resume here is the short version. English BA, JD (Law), licensed but non-practicing attorney. Before you switch back to the porn website, you should know that I hated being a lawyer. It sucked massive llama balls. I wanted to help people who couldn’t help themselves and quickly found myself working 60 hours a week for evil corporations and idiotic people. I should have stuck with English. Now, I am a published writer, ghostwriter, editor and all around God of Words.

Why should I care what Orbson thinks?

You shouldn’t. You should care about what you think. You should use my words to start up conversations and to discover for yourself what you actually believe. Also, I rock. You will undoubtedly have many a life changing epiphany while reading one of my blogs. If you want to pass on that opportunity, don’t worry, I am like the Catholic Church, I don’t care what you do, you can always come back to me.

What is the Wonderful Wizard of Orbson going to be writing about?

I will talk about anything and everything that happens to be on my mind. I have been finding myself with a few too many opinions lately and desperately need to share these opinions with someone before my head explodes. Saying that, I think it may be time for a warning. When you wake up in the morning and anxiously reach for your morning cup of Orbson, you will enter a mind with a myriad of interests. One day I might talk about a political topic, another I might discuss what everyone wore to the Oscars. I am interested in a LOT of things. So don’t be shocked when on some random day I might choose to write about the mating rituals of Birds of Paradise. Hopefully, you’ll still find it interesting and fun.

I am an ultra right wing religious teabagger who is very concerned about the content my children might see on the Internet. Is your blog family friendly?

Sorry, I think you want Fox News. They use shorter words. For the rest of my liberal open-minded friends, I want this blog to be an expression of myself without any walls. I hate when people swear every other word but sometimes I find a good “Fuck” to be very pleasing. Oh yeah, their will be some sexual innuendo thrown in. I don’t expect my dark side to do anything other than color what will surely be magnificent prose. If there any teabaggers still reading, don’t worry, prose is just another word for writing. I could explain innuendo but I am afraid your head might explode.

I am convinced that Orbson Rice will create a great blog but I would still like to know more about him as a person. How about some stream of consciousness?

Okay, but I warn you, enter this brain at your own risk: Beauty, beauty, beauty, hiking, waterfalls, sports, theater, theater, theater, Broadway, politics, environment, science, statistics, Tennessee Williams, Joss Whedon, Ernest Hemingway, Jean Genet’s “The Balcony” books, books, books, Harry Potter, Hunger Games, Dean Koontz, , this new rap/ballad thing going on, Def Poetry, liberals, sex, sex, sex, love songs, romance, football, Xbox 360, saving money on stuff, Les Miserables, Moulin Rouge, Amelie, Memento, Emo music, something more but nothing with an organized religion, oral sex, reality arts shows like the Hollywood makeup one or the next great artist. Bravo network, USA network, cry during movies, happy to watch Titanic or Rambo, traveling, writing, writing, writing, coming up with hundred of ideas for books, movies and musicals, Halo, Fallout, Madden, Fallout Boy, Good Charlotte, The Book of Mormon, Avenue Q, RENT, questioning authority, questioning everything, sometimes think this country sucks, sometimes loves it, want to live overseas, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly, love the water, would love to teach at a college, wrote a script for How I Met Your Mother that was never sold but I love, huge Big Bang Theory fan, thinks comic book nerds are awesome, can watch pretty much any sporting event other than auto racing and really get into it, happiest in Tucson, Arizona, think most people are significantly more stupid than I am, a bit arrogant but also caring and thoughtful, anything that makes me think, Bill Maher, Jon Stewart, art, art, art, Pino Daeni, beautiful women, intelligent women, intelligent women, intelligent women, music, investing, wildlife, nightlife, carpe noctem,

I could probably go on for hours but I’d rather let you discover some for yourselves. If, dear reader, you have lasted this far with me, we just might have a beautiful relationship ahead of us.