Paul Ryan: Melting of Polar Ice Caps is God’s way of Gifting us Oil

According to Rep. Paul Ryan, although God often works in mysterious ways, clearly the deity’s stance on our nation’s energy policy is to drill, drill and drill some more. This month, the Obama administration began an emergency 60-day review on its decision to allow Shell Oil Company to commence exploration and drilling in the Arctic Ocean. Many wonder whether this is the beginning of the end for Arctic oil exploration. For Paul Ryan the question is not whether we should drill in the Arctic but how quickly can we get started. Speaking before an advisory panel for the Environmental Protection Agency (E.P.A.), Ryan stated,

“It is clear to me, and it’s clear to millions of Americans that the melting of the polar ice caps is a real phenomenon. What it is not however, is an indication of human-created pollution. The melting is evidence of God’s goodness. He has gazed down upon his people and seen them struggling. He has watched as they are unable to fill up their cars, trucks and SUVs. He has heard their prayers and answered them with a gift: the warmth of his love. That warmth has touched the Arctic and swept away the ice to reveal a wealth of resources for his people. Not only should we drill in the Arctic, it is our moral obligation to drill there as quickly as we can.”

Not surprisingly, Ryan’s remarks were met with strong reactions by the scientists on the E.P.A. panel. Two of the members suffered whiplash from shaking their heads back and forth too quickly. Three more fainted when the constant rolling of their eyes made them dizzy.  The panel moderator simply said, “Thank you Representative Ryan. We will take your comments under advisement.” She was seen minutes later banging her head repeatedly against a wall.

A spokesperson for Shell Oil agrees that the Administration should allow them to continue their “altruistic” work. “This country needs oil and we are ready to serve.” Shell was questioned about the myriad of problems they've faced in the Arctic recently:

“Well sure, we had an oil rig that ran aground off of Kodiak Island on New Year’s Eve, and then there was the rig that broke its moorings last summer in the Aleutian Islands. And yes the inspection of our equipment used to clean oil spills ‘failed spectacularly’ and sure we have had some trouble getting our vessels certified by the Coast Guard. Really though, it was the air pollution violations from the E.P.A. that hurt us the most. Putting all of that aside, things have run pretty smoothly.” 

Given the perspectives of Rep. Ryan and Shell Oil it is pretty clear that drilling in the Arctic Ocean is the correct decision. Environmentalists warn that an oil spill cleanup in the Arctic Ocean would be nearly impossible because of its remote location and icy waters. However, that seems like a pretty pessimistic view. Especially since God himself wants us to do drill there. Should an accident occur, it seems pretty certain that the rig would just need a divine Band-Aid and everything would be fine. Finally, while it is true that a French oil company decided not to drill in the Arctic because they believed the risk of a spill was too great, that isn’t really relevant. Remember you should never trust Socialists.







photo by loveforutah

Orbson Answers His Email: Civil War 2 Part Deux

I’ve had a few questions from people wondering whether my examples of conservative attacks during what I refer to as Civil War 2 were merely a sample of a much larger group or isolated incidents. Unfortunately, they are just a tiny sample. Here are some more to think about:

Mississippi House Bill 1384: “public school history courses may not promote any partisan agenda or philosophy”. Republicans have been trying to get this bill passed for many years. Of course history has always been slanted toward those who are in power. However in a free country history, like journalism should be about facts. The problem is that Republicans do not like facts. Facts and religion never mesh well. It does not take a long Google search to find conservative groups who say that the South was the right side in the Civil War, that the Women’s Rights movement was a bad thing and that all homosexuals should be imprisoned. Shocked by the last one? I was too.

Nebraska Bill 461 would allow all doctors to refuse ANY (not just abortions) procedure they have a religious, ethical or moral objection to. Also, pharmacists would be allowed to refuse to fill a woman’s prescription for birth control or morning-after pill. If you consider the many religious, ethical and moral objects a person could have, the possible reasons to deny treatment are endless. Of course, I have a moral and ethical objection to Republicans so maybe I should move to Nebraska and become a doctor.

The Kansas House of Representatives passes a 69-page bill with hidden provisions that would among other things, allows doctors to lie to their patients about prenatal issues if those issues might lead the woman to consider abortion. Even in an ectopic pregnancy, which is often fatal, doctors do not have to tell their patients about the condition. And just so we remember they are still true Republicans, they added on a 6.3% sales tax to abortions including those had by rape victims or who only had it because it was medically necessary to save their own lives. This bill is not unique. In Arizona, the Arizona Senate joined 8 other states in shielding doctors from malpractice claims when those doctors did not inform their patients of prenatal conditions that might lead their patient to an abortion.


So You Think I Only Keep My Eye on Republicans:

I have mentioned previously how disappointed I am in President Obama’s environmental policies. So as to demonstrate that I do keep an eye on Democrats too, here are just a couple of current issues I have:

Drilling in the Arctic begins this Summer! “President Obama has given approval to Shell to drill for oil this summer in the vulnerable Arctic. In hopes of uncovering new sources of dirty fossil fuels, Arctic drilling could also unleash more than 11 billion tons of carbon pollution -- making it ever more difficult to stave off devastating climate change.” Also, if there is another oil spill, because of the location it would be almost impossible to clean.

Endangered Species Under Attack: A new policy proposed under the Obama administration would redefine key passages of the Endangered Species Act. They key distinction seems to be that a species status would be determined by global population and not just regional. For example, there are a lot of bald eagles in Alaska. Therefore had this policy change been in effect previously, the eagles could have completely died out in the lower 48 states and nothing would have been done about it. Ecosystems are fragile things. Whenever a species dies out by unnatural manmade cause, there is a ripple effect in that region. 89 conservation groups and 97 scientists agree that this new policy will have a tremendous negative impact on efforts to protect endangered species.

To see the full text of the quotes and to check out more environmental battles, check out the Center for Biological Diversity.


Orbson has not forgotten: I know I said this entry would be lighter, but I wanted to answer a couple of email questions today. I am still working on my Laws for Democrats to Pass to Piss off Republicans entry. Here is a sample: “In accordance with the 1st Amendment to the Constitution of the United States it is hereafter unlawful to have any religious wording or symbols used by any nationally funded entity, governmental entity or any private entity that receives federal funding. This includes, but is not limited to, the use of the word “God” on currency or nationally recognized songs and pledges.

Did you Know?

Do not let conservatives lie to you. Our Founding Fathers did not believe this was a Christian Country- The Treaty of Tripoli, which was read on the Senate floor in 1797 and signed into law by John Adams begins, “As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion….” Yeah, that’s right. Oh, and by the way, it was unanimously approved. How do you think those words would go over with the general populous today?