Obama to Trump: “Perhaps Ignorant Racists Should Wear Special ID Badges Too”

For President Obama, the political correctness gloves have been taken off and placed firmly up Donald Trump’s butt. Without the concern of reelection the President has become increasingly vocal, commenting frequently on the barrage of hate, intolerance and ignorance spewing from conservatives. Thursday was no exception as Obama took to Twitter to respond to an interview in which Trump indicated that a Muslim database and special ID badges that identify Muslims are policies he would consider to fight terrorism:

“We’re going to have to do things that we never did before. And some people are going to be upset about it….  And certain things will be done that we never thought would happen in this country in terms of information and learning about the enemy. And so we’re going to have to do certain things that were frankly unthinkable a year ago.”

President Obama’s epic response may just be his best yet, “@realdonaldtrump Perhaps ignorant racists should wear special ID badges too. I'll have one made up for you.”

Of course the President was also quick to point out that of the 2,000 Syrian refugees the U.S. has taken in thus far, half were children and another quarter were more than 60 years old. Of course facts are not always friendly to conservatives and will likely be met with confused stares followed by the yelling of such things as “Benghazi!” or “Obamacare sucks!” While these are excellent conservative identifiers, the President’s idea still has merit. If you walk into a random store and the owner is proudly wearing his or her “I’m a racist, misogynistic, homophobic, ignorant conservative” badge it might make you rethink your shopping habits.

As for Mr. Trump and those who share his desire to recreate Nazi Germany, in 2010 there were 1,600,000,000 Muslims in the world. Even some of the highest estimates (which are likely fabrications) of 250,000 ISIS militants would only equal 0.016% of the entire Muslim population. In fact, according to the Pew Research Center, there is an extremely high level of disdain for ISIS in Muslim countries. The religion of Islam is not the enemy, extremists are. This is true whether the extremists are Muslims or Christians running for political office using fear and ignorance to scare the masses. So, Mr. Trump if the President offers to have you swing by to pick up your “ignorant racist” badge, I would take him up on it. It’s the only way you’ll be seeing the inside of the White House anytime soon.




unedited photo by: Steve Jurvetson

Donald Trump Exposed in Ashley Madison Hack

Oops, the billionaire with the hair has been naughtier than a pair of Republicans in a men’s bathroom. The hackers responsible for the Ashley Madison breach have just released a third batch of customer profiles from the popular cheaters dating website and Republican Presidential hopeful Donald Trump is among them. Going by the user name ONEHARDTRUMP, he is yet another in a long list of conservatives whose proclivities would make even the dirtiest among us blush. In fact, Mr. Trump’s profile is so filthy that I must caution that the screenshot of his profile below is most definitely not safe for work:

Shortly after news of the leak was released, Trump issued a short statement: “This is a private issue and it shouldn’t matter to anyone where I like to stick my wick. I will not apologize for my actions because President Obama is the one who needs to apologize to us all. It is because of his inept leadership that hackers continue to get away with breaching our privacy. When I’m President, I will find them and destroy them.”




Photos by: Michael Vadon, Mike Licht and Jehane 

Hillary Clinton: “It’s Time to Break the Ass Ceiling

Sunday afternoon, former Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton announced her intention to run for President of the United States of America. If Clinton succeeds she will become the first female President in the history of the country. Speaking to supporters, Clinton discussed what will be needed in order to accomplish this historic feat: “For too long women have been faced with moronic and unnecessary barriers to positions of leadership. I believe in the power of women and I am ready to do my part to help destroy the barriers. It’s time to break the Ass Ceiling.”

Long considered the toughest obstacle for any female politician, The Ass Ceiling will not be an easy impediment to overcome. Created in large part by a conflux of unevolved white conservative males, the Ass Ceiling has been solidified by their repeated efforts to demonstrate their “respect” towards women. Take South Carolina Senator Thomas Corbin who explained why it was okay to mock women, “Well, you know God created man first. Then he took the rib out of man to make woman. And you know, a rib is a lesser cut of meat.” These types of asinine comments were the norm for New York Senator Kirsten Gillibrand who dealt with frequent inappropriate comments about her weight and looks from fellow Senators. Of course many politicians don’t think women have the capability of doing difficult work. Take Senator Rick Santorum who expressed that a woman’s emotions would keep her from being able to critical decisions. To be fair there are also a number of Asses on the left side of the aisle as well: “We in the Senate refer to Senator Gillibrand as the hottest member.” -Senator Harry Reid (D-Nev.) Let’s face facts, when it comes to politicians in Washington, there are “binders” full of Asses.

According to Representation 2020, the U.S. ranks 95th in the world in the number of women holding major political office.  Only 20 of 100 Senators are women and only 84 of 435 members of the House of Representatives are women. There are also only 6 female Governors. These facts are true even though women represent 50.8% of the population in the United States. We will need to wait until November of 2016 to see whether Clinton will succeed in breaking the Ass Ceiling. A Clinton victory will go a long way towards giving the Asses the kick they deserve.





Individual Photos By: Marc Nozell, Michael Vadon, Kent Williams

New Hampshire Republican Exposes Kindergarten Criminal Training Ground

One brave Republican has exposed a horrific threat to our nation’s safety- kindergartners. New Hampshire Republican lawmaker Bob Kingsbury (R-Laconia) has been under fire for the conclusions he has drawn from an intensive 16-year study. According to Kingsbury, the “research he has conducted since 1996 shows a connection between the state's kindergarten program and higher crime rates, attributing it to children being taken away from their mothers too soon…. In general, the towns with a kindergarten have 400 percent more crime than other towns in the same county. In every county the towns and cities with kindergarten had more crime.” At first I was dumbfounded by these statements and when I visited Middleton Kindergarten in Maryville, New Hampshire, I was only expecting to get some quotes for an article about another crazy Republican. However, what I discovered was truly shocking. Representative Kingsbury was right. Kindergarteners are being brainwashed to become future criminals.

After walking in to Mrs. Peabody’s classroom, I was immediately struck by a barrage of colors shooting off of every wall. Mrs. Peabody had placed the kindergartners’ “artwork” on the walls for all to enjoy. There was no order to the placement and apparently no rules for their content as I saw numerous pictures of animals that do no exist in the real world. Even more disturbing was the way that the children repeatedly failed to stay within the lines in their coloring. I asked Mrs. Peabody about this phenomenon and she replied “Well, the kids do their best and I let each of them create things that express their individuality and creativity.” This subversive way of teaching will likely lead to non-conformists who feel they have the right to metaphorically color outside the lines in adulthood. This will undoubtedly include criminal behavior.

As I watched America’s youth I noticed that they were finger painting with what I believe were gang colors. Had that been the worse thing I witnessed, I may have let it go, however the day just got scarier from there. Five year olds sharpening their crayons into objects that looked more like prison shivs than coloring tools, games where the winner or hider is able to evade the “seekers” for the longest amount of time and “reading time” books about cats in hats who convinces children to commit various forms of disobedience while there mother is away. This was all done by nap time! I hurried out of the school as they started to a song about babies falling out of trees. Gang colors, weapons, training to evade the police, learning to break rules and get away with it and singing about falling babies to help put them to sleep! Perhaps Kingsley is not just another crazy Republican.

Many people will likely scoff at Representative Kingsley’s findings, but don’t be fooled by their adorable faces and the seemingly harmless classroom activities. Kindergarten is a training ground for the criminal underworld. If it is this bad in kindergarten, I shudder to think what’s happening in our nation’s pre-schools.


Photograph by stevegatto2

Clinton Appointed to Secret Service Chaperone Position

On Tuesday, former President Bill Clinton was appointed to the position of Chaperone of the United States Secret Service. In reaction to the recent controversy involving alcohol, strippers and prostitutes in Colombia, the Secret Service has instituted new “rules of conduct” http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/04/28/secret-service-chaperones_n_1461457.html for its agents. One of the measures involves the appointment of a “chaperone” to monitor agents’ actions and enforce the new higher standards. Within hours of the announcement, President Clinton made a formal request to fill the position. According to White House Press Secretary Jay Carney, “The former President was adamant that he would be able to provide the proper oversight for the after-hours activities of Secret Service agents and President Obama agreed.”

After examining the old version of "The Secret Service Rules of Conduct", it is unclear whether the "new rules" were needed or just a reaction to the controversy. In the section labeled “Engaging prostitutes while visiting foreign countries”, the rules clearly stated:

1. Agents may entertain no more than five prostitutes per room, per evening.
2. If agents are garbed in outfits including but not limited to sexy kitten costumes, French maid outfits or latex body suits, they should refrain from leaving their hotel rooms.
3. Agents should refrain from creating a scene with prostitute(s) due to unrequited articulations of love or refusal to pay for services rendered.

Had the agents followed the previously established protocol there likely would not have been a scandal in Colombia. Still, according to Clinton the inclusion of a chaperone will create an aura of respectability. “The agents can still have a good time, but they’ll do it in a more discreet and professional way. I understand blowing off some steam, but they need to be believable when they deny it later.” The first test of the new regime will occur this weekend in Bangkok, Thailand where the former President is already getting comfortable in his new position by thoroughly vetting potential escorts.



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