270-Day Waiting Period Required for Mississippi Abortions

(No, it's not an "Onion", that is an Orbson you're holding in your hands)

On Thursday, Mississippi Governor Phil Bryant (R) is expected to sign a bill that would extend Mississippi’s mandatory abortion waiting period to 270 days. Given the average length of pregnancy and the illegality of late term abortions this law will essentially ban all abortions in the state of Mississippi.

Bryant has been a vocal advocate of abolishing abortion rights. Earlier this year he stated, “We want Mississippi to be abortion free.” Mississippi already has some of the strictest anti-abortion laws in the country. The state’s lone abortion clinic, which has been subject to numerous threats of violence, may be forced to close by yet another piece of legislation. This past Monday, a second bill was signed by Bryant that would require doctors who perform abortions to be a certified OB-GYN with admitting privileges to a local hospital. Due to religious and political reasons along with the threat of violence from radical opponents, obtaining admitting privileges can be very difficult. One might wonder why this bill would be necessary with the passage of the new 270-day waiting period. Bryant appears to be circumventing potential legal entanglements by producing multiple anti-abortion laws with hopes that some of them will get through the courts. At a recent Jesus Loves Embryos charity event Bryant stated, “If we pass 1,000 laws to limit abortion, some will get through and we will be that much closer to victory.”

Women’s rights advocates claim that the 270-day mandatory waiting period is clearly unconstitutional under Roe v Wade as well as subsequent Supreme Court cases. They believe that this latest attempt to regulate women’s bodies will only result in costly legal fees for Mississippi citizens. Bryant appears to be willing to take that chance, “This is a necessary action in the ongoing battle against a murderous act. This bill, standing alone, does not ban abortion so the Courts should leave it alone. If they do not, we will fight.” However, the cost of that fight will undoubtedly seriously harm the already impoverished people of Mississippi. Bryant has already made cuts to state run orphanages, the public school lunch program and welfare recipients. In Mississippi, as comedian George Carlin once said, “If you're pre-born, you're fine; if you're pre-school, you're fucked.”

Civil War 2- Attack of the Stupid

Good morning Orbsonites! As you know, I have been out battling the Stupid. I have spread knowledge to those who are without and preached freedom, tolerance and love to those who live only with hate. Unfortunately, I am failing. I just finished reading the latest news stories; an act which often leaves me feeling depressed. I have come to a realization. We are under attack. Liberals everywhere are being attacked in both large and small ways by the religious conservatives in this country. Readers, you know I enjoy poking fun at conservatives. I have often seen them as that cat who runs full speed into a staircase only to crash headfirst. I laugh and say, “Dumb cat”. I believe the Republican Party is made up of millions of dumb cats. I have joked that the reason religious leaders oppose contraception is because alter boys can’t get pregnant. That the reason Rush Limbaugh would call someone a “slut” is because she, like every other intelligent woman in the world, would never touch him. Yet recently I am starting to see something deeper behind their acts. Something dark. Something evil.

Think about what has been happening during the past year. There have been an enormous amount of attacks on Roe v Wade and the right of a woman to choose. In Kansas the laws are so severe that every abortion clinic was forced to close. In Mississippi, conservatives tried to pass an amendment that gave full legal rights to undeveloped embryos (My masturbation is murder satire is not so far fetched I guess). Conservatives tried to take down Planned Parenthood and NPR by ending public support. Susan G. Komen tried to pull funding for breast exams from Planned Parenthood. Republican leaders denounced Obama’s new contraception coverage rule and hold a Congressional hearing with only men in attendance. Rick Santorum, who could possibly become President, believes that contraception is evil and against God’s will. Florida passed a law last week that allows students to hold prayer services during public school events including graduation. Wisconsin Republicans pulled state funding from a state school who was hosting an art show that featured political protest art. Unions and teachers have been attacked throughout the nation. Congressional Republicans have repeatedly attacked the Environmental Protection Agency. You know, the people who are trying to make sure we can still breathe in 20 years. Some Republicans have even suggested eliminating the E.P.A. all together. Republicans continue to destroy the environment by trying to create new pipelines, drilling for more oil, destroying more natural resources and opening up the possibility of even more disasters such as the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico that is still a problem today.

Conservative policies are against the poor, against the weak, against the ill, against the gays, against the immigrants, against women and ultimately against humanity.

Every day in every state, there are attempts to turn this country into a religious nation. There are hundreds of minor attempts to change U.S. policy from freedom based to religious based. Many liberals have fought back. We have risen up and said “NO!” But, some get through. We have had victories. Gay marriage in Washington and Maryland! But I need to be more aware. We need to be more aware. There is a cultural and political civil war in this country. Civil War 2 is here. This time they are not fighting to keep their slaves, but that does not make their intentions any purer. I will defend their right to express their beliefs but I will not stand by and let them destroy the freedoms that make being an American great.

Okay, this entry was too serious. I think I will start working on something more fun. Hmmm, how about some liberal laws we can try to get passed to piss off the Republicans? Stuff like, Churches must now pay taxes and those funds will be used to fund the National Endowment for the Arts! I’ll get to work on some other ideas and get back to you! Have a great weekend.

Orbson’s Quarterback: Peyton Manning is no longer a Colt. He handled his exit with class and dignity and I really hope that he makes them regret their decision. Since my Lions already have a great QB, I suggest he comes to my current home team, the Seattle Seahawks!