Good morning Orbsonites! As you know, I have been out battling the Stupid. I have spread knowledge to those who are without and preached freedom, tolerance and love to those who live only with hate. Unfortunately, I am failing. I just finished reading the latest news stories; an act which often leaves me feeling depressed. I have come to a realization. We are under attack. Liberals everywhere are being attacked in both large and small ways by the religious conservatives in this country. Readers, you know I enjoy poking fun at conservatives. I have often seen them as that cat who runs full speed into a staircase only to crash headfirst. I laugh and say, “Dumb cat”. I believe the Republican Party is made up of millions of dumb cats. I have joked that the reason religious leaders oppose contraception is because alter boys can’t get pregnant. That the reason Rush Limbaugh would call someone a “slut” is because she, like every other intelligent woman in the world, would never touch him. Yet recently I am starting to see something deeper behind their acts. Something dark. Something evil.
Think about what has been happening during the past year. There have been an enormous amount of attacks on Roe v Wade and the right of a woman to choose. In Kansas the laws are so severe that every abortion clinic was forced to close. In Mississippi, conservatives tried to pass an amendment that gave full legal rights to undeveloped embryos (My masturbation is murder satire is not so far fetched I guess). Conservatives tried to take down Planned Parenthood and NPR by ending public support. Susan G. Komen tried to pull funding for breast exams from Planned Parenthood. Republican leaders denounced Obama’s new contraception coverage rule and hold a Congressional hearing with only men in attendance. Rick Santorum, who could possibly become President, believes that contraception is evil and against God’s will. Florida passed a law last week that allows students to hold prayer services during public school events including graduation. Wisconsin Republicans pulled state funding from a state school who was hosting an art show that featured political protest art. Unions and teachers have been attacked throughout the nation. Congressional Republicans have repeatedly attacked the Environmental Protection Agency. You know, the people who are trying to make sure we can still breathe in 20 years. Some Republicans have even suggested eliminating the E.P.A. all together. Republicans continue to destroy the environment by trying to create new pipelines, drilling for more oil, destroying more natural resources and opening up the possibility of even more disasters such as the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico that is still a problem today.
Conservative policies are against the poor, against the weak, against the ill, against the gays, against the immigrants, against women and ultimately against humanity.
Every day in every state, there are attempts to turn this country into a religious nation. There are hundreds of minor attempts to change U.S. policy from freedom based to religious based. Many liberals have fought back. We have risen up and said “NO!” But, some get through. We have had victories. Gay marriage in Washington and Maryland! But I need to be more aware. We need to be more aware. There is a cultural and political civil war in this country. Civil War 2 is here. This time they are not fighting to keep their slaves, but that does not make their intentions any purer. I will defend their right to express their beliefs but I will not stand by and let them destroy the freedoms that make being an American great.
Okay, this entry was too serious. I think I will start working on something more fun. Hmmm, how about some liberal laws we can try to get passed to piss off the Republicans? Stuff like, Churches must now pay taxes and those funds will be used to fund the National Endowment for the Arts! I’ll get to work on some other ideas and get back to you! Have a great weekend.
Orbson’s Quarterback: Peyton Manning is no longer a Colt. He handled his exit with class and dignity and I really hope that he makes them regret their decision. Since my Lions already have a great QB, I suggest he comes to my current home team, the Seattle Seahawks!
Showing posts with label democrats. Show all posts
Showing posts with label democrats. Show all posts
Friday, March 9, 2012
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Every Time a Republican Speaks a Puppy Dies.
Why is it that I cannot turn on the national news without seeing some SUV driving, conservative douche bag demanding an end to new taxes? Help me out here; I am really trying to understand. I can see the argument that the federal government is wasting our tax dollars on stupid programs such as corn subsidies or those pesky pennies. I can even understand an argument that the middle and lower classes are already paying more than they can afford. What I cannot understand is why anyone making under $250,000 per year would be opposed to raising taxes on corporations and the super-wealthy. The Democrats are not even asking for much. All they ask is that corporations pay the same tax percentage as they did back in the 90’s. That’s twenty years ago! Now I have not seen the latest census numbers but I am guessing that 45% of this country does not make over $250,000. Seriously, do these people even understand who they are fighting for?
Orbsonites, let me lay down a little knowledge that most of you already know. There is a great myth perpetrated by the wealthy corporations and bought into by Republicans. This myth says that the wealthier a corporation is the more jobs they will create for the average person. This conservative fantasy is called “Trickle Down Economics” and has been used to keep the sheep bending over for decades. As fantasies go, this one ranks right up there with a pygmy goat, a bucket of lube and copy of “Busty Ballet Dancers”. Completely illogical!* A corporation is responsible to its shareholders to make them as much profit as possible. If you are willing to pay $4 a gallon for gas, then they will charge $4. They have no obligation to do anything else. One of the many methods that corporations have implemented to maximize profits is to hire a majority of their labor force overseas. Great for profits, not so good for the average American family. As an economic theory, Trickle Down Economics is failing miserably. Profits are at an all time high while unemployment soars.
Of course the Great and Powerful Orbson would not dare rant without offering some common-sense suggestions. I won’t get into the tax code as I have written on that before. Today, I’ll stick to controlling the corporate monster. Many Republicans want you to believe that everything from Social Security to public education should be corporate-run. I don’t know about you, but I think some programs should never be run for profit. The Teabaggers argue vehemently against big government. However, I think that the government should serve and protect its citizens. This means creating hard-line banking regulations, not taking donations from corporations whose fate you will be deciding, and not giving tax breaks to companies who are not giving back full value. If a corporation has their call centers in India, they should pay more taxes here. Simple, right? Corporations are like teenagers. If you let them choose, they’ll always take the sports car. We need to step up and say “look we love you, but you’re taking the Ford Focus and if you break it, you’re grounded”.
*While this particular fantasy is illogical to me, I in no way condemn anyone who engages in said fantasy so long as the pygmy goat is a consensual participant. Also, should you actually find a publication called Busty Ballet Dancers you can email me at orbsonrice@gmail.com.
Yo Asshole Said Whhaaaaaat??? House Speaker John Boehner told Republicans to “Get your ass in line” after many expressed concern over his latest debt ceiling proposal. Finally, the truth comes out. Follow Republican leadership and get FUCKED!
Orbson At the Movies: I will NOT be seeing Transformers 3 because my favorite robot, Megan Fox, isn’t in it. Anyway, after T2 I don’t think I can take another bout of “who's fighting who”. Seriously, it was like watching CSPAN – a bunch of mindless drones yakking nonsense at each other. Though it was fun watching Michelle Bachmann transform into a hot air balloon.
Note to my Disciples: Yes, another political blog. However, as my page views jumped 300% the last two days, I am thinking people like them. For those of you looking for some brilliant laid back Orbson commentary, don't fret, I am working on some new material that will surely be gut-busting.
Currently Jamming:
Orbsonites, let me lay down a little knowledge that most of you already know. There is a great myth perpetrated by the wealthy corporations and bought into by Republicans. This myth says that the wealthier a corporation is the more jobs they will create for the average person. This conservative fantasy is called “Trickle Down Economics” and has been used to keep the sheep bending over for decades. As fantasies go, this one ranks right up there with a pygmy goat, a bucket of lube and copy of “Busty Ballet Dancers”. Completely illogical!* A corporation is responsible to its shareholders to make them as much profit as possible. If you are willing to pay $4 a gallon for gas, then they will charge $4. They have no obligation to do anything else. One of the many methods that corporations have implemented to maximize profits is to hire a majority of their labor force overseas. Great for profits, not so good for the average American family. As an economic theory, Trickle Down Economics is failing miserably. Profits are at an all time high while unemployment soars.
Of course the Great and Powerful Orbson would not dare rant without offering some common-sense suggestions. I won’t get into the tax code as I have written on that before. Today, I’ll stick to controlling the corporate monster. Many Republicans want you to believe that everything from Social Security to public education should be corporate-run. I don’t know about you, but I think some programs should never be run for profit. The Teabaggers argue vehemently against big government. However, I think that the government should serve and protect its citizens. This means creating hard-line banking regulations, not taking donations from corporations whose fate you will be deciding, and not giving tax breaks to companies who are not giving back full value. If a corporation has their call centers in India, they should pay more taxes here. Simple, right? Corporations are like teenagers. If you let them choose, they’ll always take the sports car. We need to step up and say “look we love you, but you’re taking the Ford Focus and if you break it, you’re grounded”.
*While this particular fantasy is illogical to me, I in no way condemn anyone who engages in said fantasy so long as the pygmy goat is a consensual participant. Also, should you actually find a publication called Busty Ballet Dancers you can email me at orbsonrice@gmail.com.
Yo Asshole Said Whhaaaaaat??? House Speaker John Boehner told Republicans to “Get your ass in line” after many expressed concern over his latest debt ceiling proposal. Finally, the truth comes out. Follow Republican leadership and get FUCKED!
Orbson At the Movies: I will NOT be seeing Transformers 3 because my favorite robot, Megan Fox, isn’t in it. Anyway, after T2 I don’t think I can take another bout of “who's fighting who”. Seriously, it was like watching CSPAN – a bunch of mindless drones yakking nonsense at each other. Though it was fun watching Michelle Bachmann transform into a hot air balloon.
Note to my Disciples: Yes, another political blog. However, as my page views jumped 300% the last two days, I am thinking people like them. For those of you looking for some brilliant laid back Orbson commentary, don't fret, I am working on some new material that will surely be gut-busting.
Currently Jamming:
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
If Obama Wants My Vote…
In November of 2008, I visited my local voting site and placed my vote for Barack Obama. This was not a difficult choice. I had heard Barack speak a few years earlier and knew he was the right one to lead us out of the horrific George W. Bush era. I stayed awake late into the night as the results streamed in. Finally, it was announced, the United States had elected its first black President. I am not ashamed to admit that I shed a tear. I believed that the American people had finally understood the damage that Republicans inflicted on our country. I believed that Obama could lead us into a better world.
Fast forward to the present. Our country could not be more deeply divided. We waste time over frivolous issues and our President has seemingly lost his spunk. We are already discussing the 2012 election and I feel the need to stand up with all of my Orbson might and state, “Mr. President, I appreciate the many positive changes I have seen under your administration. However, with all respect, I must insist that you please grow a larger set of testicles.”
Here is Orbson’s open letter to President Barack Obama:
Mr. President,
In 2012, I will vote for you again. I will do so because there is no other option for a liberal like myself. If there were a viable option however, I would consider switching. On the campaign trail you spoke with vigor and determination. You did not veil your contempt for conservative politics and you won your election on the backs of liberals. Now, I believe you have become politicized; another victim of the D.C. disease that turns idealists into egotists. Your desire to be reelected has blinded you from the truth. The truth is that a large percentage of this country will never vote for you. They despise you because you are a democrat, because you are liberal on social issues and yes in some cases because you are black. The rest of us will vote for you because we know that you are our best hope for change. Please put the election aside and start fighting for what is right.
In 2008 you won because of your words. I know the power of words. They can be used to create a revolution or to quell a riot. I know you are handcuffed legislatively, but you still have your words and the support of those who stand by you. To guarantee my vote, please take a risk. Not a small risk, like walking out of a debt ceiling meeting, but a huge risk. Stand up in front of the American people (preferably on some popular talk show so people will actually watch) and tell us again what you believe in. There is too much corruption in out government. There is too much hate and intolerance among our people. We have lost sight of that which makes the essence of a great nation – education, compassion and peace. We the people have made you our leader, our voice. If you want to bring tears to my eyes again, you will put reelection aside and use those words again. Tell this country that gay marriage should be legal everywhere – that we do not legislate love. Explain to your people that education and health care should be such a basic human right that they should be included in our Constitution. Show them that under Republican control, the rich get richer and everyone else suffers. Tell them that we need to stop focusing overseas and start working here at home. We are no longer a great nation, we are mediocre and that is not acceptable. Most of all, stop trying to compromise with people who are not willing to meet you half way. You sold out on health care, you are selling out on the debt ceiling. While I understand, I do not agree. You have our support. Fight. If you lose, at least you will know that you went down fighting for what you believe in. I would rather fall fighting for what I believe in, then stand for something I don’t. Mr. President, you have one chance to affect change, use your podium and you will be remembered. Fail and my tears will be born from sadness.
Orbson Rice
Orbson’s Quick Fix: Orbson has come up with a simple way to solve the budget crisis and make everyone happy. Teabaggers, you don’t want to pay taxes. Okay, from now on you don’t have to. Any citizen can opt out of paying taxes. Of course, that means you won’t have access to public schools, health care, Social Security, Medicare, fire and police departments, the Post Office, unemployment insurance, workers compensation, a minimum wage, roads, etc. You win, congratulations!
Orbson Tweets: “I think my Facebook page is run by conservatives. An advertisement for ‘vasectomy services’ keeps popping up.” Check out my Twitter feed at www.twitter.com/orbsonrice
Currently Jamming To:
Fast forward to the present. Our country could not be more deeply divided. We waste time over frivolous issues and our President has seemingly lost his spunk. We are already discussing the 2012 election and I feel the need to stand up with all of my Orbson might and state, “Mr. President, I appreciate the many positive changes I have seen under your administration. However, with all respect, I must insist that you please grow a larger set of testicles.”
Here is Orbson’s open letter to President Barack Obama:
Mr. President,
In 2012, I will vote for you again. I will do so because there is no other option for a liberal like myself. If there were a viable option however, I would consider switching. On the campaign trail you spoke with vigor and determination. You did not veil your contempt for conservative politics and you won your election on the backs of liberals. Now, I believe you have become politicized; another victim of the D.C. disease that turns idealists into egotists. Your desire to be reelected has blinded you from the truth. The truth is that a large percentage of this country will never vote for you. They despise you because you are a democrat, because you are liberal on social issues and yes in some cases because you are black. The rest of us will vote for you because we know that you are our best hope for change. Please put the election aside and start fighting for what is right.
In 2008 you won because of your words. I know the power of words. They can be used to create a revolution or to quell a riot. I know you are handcuffed legislatively, but you still have your words and the support of those who stand by you. To guarantee my vote, please take a risk. Not a small risk, like walking out of a debt ceiling meeting, but a huge risk. Stand up in front of the American people (preferably on some popular talk show so people will actually watch) and tell us again what you believe in. There is too much corruption in out government. There is too much hate and intolerance among our people. We have lost sight of that which makes the essence of a great nation – education, compassion and peace. We the people have made you our leader, our voice. If you want to bring tears to my eyes again, you will put reelection aside and use those words again. Tell this country that gay marriage should be legal everywhere – that we do not legislate love. Explain to your people that education and health care should be such a basic human right that they should be included in our Constitution. Show them that under Republican control, the rich get richer and everyone else suffers. Tell them that we need to stop focusing overseas and start working here at home. We are no longer a great nation, we are mediocre and that is not acceptable. Most of all, stop trying to compromise with people who are not willing to meet you half way. You sold out on health care, you are selling out on the debt ceiling. While I understand, I do not agree. You have our support. Fight. If you lose, at least you will know that you went down fighting for what you believe in. I would rather fall fighting for what I believe in, then stand for something I don’t. Mr. President, you have one chance to affect change, use your podium and you will be remembered. Fail and my tears will be born from sadness.
Orbson Rice
Orbson’s Quick Fix: Orbson has come up with a simple way to solve the budget crisis and make everyone happy. Teabaggers, you don’t want to pay taxes. Okay, from now on you don’t have to. Any citizen can opt out of paying taxes. Of course, that means you won’t have access to public schools, health care, Social Security, Medicare, fire and police departments, the Post Office, unemployment insurance, workers compensation, a minimum wage, roads, etc. You win, congratulations!
Orbson Tweets: “I think my Facebook page is run by conservatives. An advertisement for ‘vasectomy services’ keeps popping up.” Check out my Twitter feed at www.twitter.com/orbsonrice
Currently Jamming To:
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Bookseller’s Demise Signals Major Victory for Republicans (An Homage to The Onion)
The announcement of the demise of Borders Group sent a jolt of celebration through the Republican Party on Sunday as conservatives watched one of their biggest obstacles fall. Borders, the nation’s second largest bookseller, announced that it will be closing all 399 stores, firing their 10,700 employees and liquidating all of its assets. Considered a huge defeat for the Democratic Party and a possible turning point in the 2012 Presidential Election, Republican’s held celebratory rallies throughout the country. Speaking from outside his plantation, Mississippi Congressman Roy Enbreider expressed his excitement, “Finally, one of the great arms of the liberal monster has been cut off. No longer will the trite nonsense that liberals call facts be spread to the public. Books lead to divisiveness. We must put our faith in the Lord and let him guide us to the truth. Books, science, facts, these are all instruments of the devil, sent here to test our faith. No more! Today we celebrate a huge victory. We have overcome!”
Enbreider and the rest of the Republican Party may be right to celebrate. Leading into the 2008 election, a Gallup Poll found that registered voters with a Post Graduate were significantly more likely to vote for Barrack Obama. On the other hand, voters with only a high school education or less were more likely to vote for John McCain. If this trend continues, it behooves the Republican Party to minimize the amount of education available to the general public. Apparently, the smarter a person is, the less likely they will vote Republican. Certainly, the closing of the second largest bookseller is a positive step in that direction.
Conservatives are not only excited about the lack of education available to the public, but also the diminishing number of “devil books” such as the popular Harry Potter Series and the Hunger Games Trilogy. Evelyn Rothchild, President of “Ban Items that are Toxic to Christian Homes” or B.I.T.C.H. states, “For years we have been burning these instruments of Satan only to find them restocked the very next day. There is no place in a good Christian home for atrocities like magic, fantasy and rebellion. There is no place for ‘Science’, which is a fiction worse than any other. This is a glorious day, for a great evil has been purged. There is still much work to be done, but today we celebrate.”
Of course conservatives are not taking credit for the Borders Group downfall. Political analysts, Avery Wahns Toopad explains, “The Republican Party has essentially won the lottery with the announcement of Border’s demise. Not only do they strike a major victory in the education battle, but they are actually blaming President Obama for the Borders outcome. Of course Obama had nothing to do with it; Borders had ridiculously poor management that was constantly behind the changing technological climate. However, as most Republicans do not have the capacity to decipher the reasons why a company might fail, they simply blame the President.”
As we approach the 2012 Presidential Election, the true fallout of the liquidation of Borders will become apparent. Until then Republican leaders should sleep a little better knowing that the U.S. just got a little dumber.
Enbreider and the rest of the Republican Party may be right to celebrate. Leading into the 2008 election, a Gallup Poll found that registered voters with a Post Graduate were significantly more likely to vote for Barrack Obama. On the other hand, voters with only a high school education or less were more likely to vote for John McCain. If this trend continues, it behooves the Republican Party to minimize the amount of education available to the general public. Apparently, the smarter a person is, the less likely they will vote Republican. Certainly, the closing of the second largest bookseller is a positive step in that direction.
Conservatives are not only excited about the lack of education available to the public, but also the diminishing number of “devil books” such as the popular Harry Potter Series and the Hunger Games Trilogy. Evelyn Rothchild, President of “Ban Items that are Toxic to Christian Homes” or B.I.T.C.H. states, “For years we have been burning these instruments of Satan only to find them restocked the very next day. There is no place in a good Christian home for atrocities like magic, fantasy and rebellion. There is no place for ‘Science’, which is a fiction worse than any other. This is a glorious day, for a great evil has been purged. There is still much work to be done, but today we celebrate.”
Of course conservatives are not taking credit for the Borders Group downfall. Political analysts, Avery Wahns Toopad explains, “The Republican Party has essentially won the lottery with the announcement of Border’s demise. Not only do they strike a major victory in the education battle, but they are actually blaming President Obama for the Borders outcome. Of course Obama had nothing to do with it; Borders had ridiculously poor management that was constantly behind the changing technological climate. However, as most Republicans do not have the capacity to decipher the reasons why a company might fail, they simply blame the President.”
As we approach the 2012 Presidential Election, the true fallout of the liquidation of Borders will become apparent. Until then Republican leaders should sleep a little better knowing that the U.S. just got a little dumber.
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