Welcome to the somewhat unbalanced mind of Orbson Rice.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

This Title was Banned for Being Too Controversial! I Dare You to Read it!

SaTiRe-

This title was deemed too provocative and controversial for Free Wood Post and Facebook. That's right, Orbson is a bad boy!

Product Launch: “Avoid the Fight, Just be White!” Racial Profiling Prevention Cream


Have you ever found yourself driving a car? Do you like to wear sweatshirts with hoods? Have you been known to walk down a sidewalk at night? If you answered yes to any of these questions, AND you’re black, you may have found yourself the target of undeserved harassment, beatings, tear gas, being shot at and even being strangled. Well, you don’t need to worry any more because today we are introducing Race-No-More. This pure organic cream was made from the tears of an albino Koala Bear and it will color your problems away with a full-body White Out!  That’s right, avoid the fight, just be white!

Created in our laboratory by a team of highly trained scientists, Race-No-More is the ultimate solution to your racial profiling problems. Sure you could simply be yourself and raise your head proudly for your rich cultural heritage but let’s be realistic. Even with multiple degrees, a six figure salary and driving a Bentley you’re still going to get pulled over for suspicion of grand theft auto. A little bit of Race-No-More’s patented skin alteration cream and suddenly the guns and handcuffs turn into smiles and waves. Side benefits of Race-No-More include better success rates in job interviews and higher wages. If you only cover your face with one white cream this year, make it Race-No-More! Still not convinced? Check out these facts:

In Ferguson, Missouri 86% of stops were black, 92% of searches, 94% of arrests, police twice as likely to search blacks even though whites were more likely to have contraband.

“Black Americans were nearly four times as likely as whites to be arrested on charges of marijuana possession in 2010, even though the two groups used the drug at similar rates”

“African American and Hispanics comprised 58% of all prisoners in 2008, even though  African Americans and Hispanics make up approximately one quarter of the US population”

"African Americans serve virtually as much time in prison for a drug offense (58.7 months) as whites do for a violent offense (61.7 months)"

"One in every three black males born today can expect to go to prison at some point in their life, compared with one in every six Latino males, and one in every 17 white males"

Let’s face it, even though the Republican National Committee stated that racism is over in the U.S., people like Trayvon Martin, Dontre Hamilton, Michael Brown and Eric Garner would likely be alive today if they were white. Racism is rooted in ignorance and evil, but since we’re not close to winning the battle against either, it’s time to protect yourself. For only $19.95 you’ll receive a 10-application supply of Race-No-More and if you order today, you will get an absolutely free Race-No-More Quick Change Kit complete with Bermuda shorts, fanny pack, Hawaiian shirt and a Michael Bolton CD. Supplies are limited so order yours today!

This advertisement was brought to you by the makers of “Under 40- The Anti-Age Discrimination Skin Stretcher” and “The Portable Penis Salary Raising Kit- They can’t pay you less if you have one too!”

Orbson Rant of the Day: I was told that even liberals might have problems with this Orb. If that is the case then we have taken political correctness to an extreme in which there is no turning back. I think the Orb pretty clearly demonstrates that 1) I hate racism  2) There exists a tremendous amount of racism in our justice system and finally 3) I do not believe that people of any color should have to paint their faces so as not to be harassed. I mean seriously, if that is what you get from this Orb than it might be time to file a lawsuit against every single teacher you have ever had because baby, you be STOOOOOPID.


picture by: sunshinecity