Welcome to the somewhat unbalanced mind of Orbson Rice.

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Trump Boasts International Relations Skills: “Palin’s endorsement is proof that the Country of Alaska supports me.”

Republican Presidential ‘dopeful’, Donald Trump may not have any experience in international relations but at least he can identify other countries right? Apparently not. During a benefit luncheon hosted by the National Association for the Advancement of White Men, Trump touted his ability to communicate and negotiate with other nations. He pointed to his recent endorsement by former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin: “Palin’s endorsement is proof that the country of Alaska supports me. The democrats like to say that I don’t have experience dealing with other countries but that’s simply a lie. I have excellent relations with countries like Alaska. “

While no one attending the luncheon caught his mistake, he was asked about it by journalists following the event. “Of course Alaska is another country. You clearly don’t know your geology. It’s not even connected. What do you think, it’s a neighborhood in Manhattan? Get out of here. This is the problem with the liberal media, they think they know everything, but guess what, I know more.”

The stunned journalists decided to leave it alone, after all Alaska is generally a ‘red’ state and if Trump doesn’t want the Republicans to have those three electoral votes, then who are we to judge.

Saturday, January 16, 2016

Bill O’Reilly Says He’ll Leave U.S. if Sanders Wins, Sanders' Poll Numbers Skyrocket

Conservative talk show host Bill O’Reilly has inadvertently given democratic Presidential hopeful Bernie Sanders a massive jump in his polling numbers. On Thursday’s “O’Reilly Factor”, O’Reilly stated “If Bernie Sanders gets elected president, I’m fleeing. I’m going to Ireland.” The impact of his statement was quickly apparent as Friday’s polling numbers gave Sanders an immediate 14-point boost, making him the clear frontrunner amongst democratic candidates. Even contender Hillary Clinton rang in saying, “When I heard that, I even considered voting for Bernie.”

O’Reilly did admit that, “I shouldn’t say it publicly because that will get Sanders more votes," but even he was unlikely to realize just how much the American people would like to see him gone. The Sanders campaign has been enjoying the fallout of O’Reilly’s comments. Since Thursday there has been a massive increase in campaign donations with many pointing to the statement as their motivation. However there are some people who are not as happy. Both Michael Higgins the current President of Ireland as well as Taoiseach (Prime Minister) Enda Kenny released a statement saying, “While Mr. O’Reilly is welcome to come to Ireland for a short visit, we think it would be better for all involved if he didn’t stay. Perhaps a more conservative environment would fit him better. We hear North Korea is nice in November.” Ireland, who in May of last year overwhelming voted to legalize gay marriage, may not be the best place to run from a President who believes in equality and fairness.

Of course whether Sanders or Clinton get the nomination it may not make a difference for the conservative mouthpiece. Polling numbers show that either candidate would win if the election were held today and as conservative candidates alienate more people with every word they utter, that trend is likely to continue. Even today, 54% of Americans say they would vote for actor Matt Damon, TV personality Bill Nye the Science Guy or Grump Cat from internet meme fame over anyone in the Republican field. As for the Sanders campaign they are actively seeking others to pledge that they would leave the country with a Sanders victory. As one staffer says, “If the polls are correct, we could get 70% of the popular vote if Rush Limbaugh and Ann Coulter agreed to leave too.”

Photo By: Senate Democrats