Welcome to the somewhat unbalanced mind of Orbson Rice.

Friday, February 19, 2016

Trump: “Francis Better Watch Out or I’ll Run for Pope”

The Republican Presidential frontrunner has picked a new focus for his verbal attacks- Pope Francis. After returning from an extended trip to Mexico a reporter asked the pontiff about Trump’s blatantly racist comments regarding the deportation of illegal immigrants and the possibility of building a wall between the U.S. and Canada. Pope Francis replied, “A person who thinks only about building walls, wherever they may be, and not building bridges, is not Christian.” Trump responded with all of the vitriol you would expect saying, “I like the pope unless the pope doesn’t like me…. Then I don’t like the pope.” Later, Trump took it one step further, “Francis better watch out or I’ll run for pope after I’m President and then he’ll be out of a job. I’m the real Christian here. Before long, it’ll be known as Trumpican City, because I am Trump and I Can!”

The Orbson Oracle reached out to the congregation at the Church of God but Only My God Not Yours in Sumiton, Alabama for their views on the controversial statement. “Jesus didn’t like no rapists and murderers and neither does Trump. Jesus, he built walls to keep out all sorts of dirty people. You know, if Jesus were alive today he would vote for Trump and he’d probably make him pope too!” said, Cletus Bodean. His sister/wife Eustice agreed, “We gotta build those walls to keep those Mexicans from raping our cows and stealing our Meth… uh… money.”

Of course not everyone agreed with this ‘thinking’. In an Oracle exclusive we spoke to the man himself, Jesus Christ. We caught up with Jesus in a homeless shelter in Portland, Oregon where he was helping the workers serve food. When we asked about the recent exchange between Trump and the pope he simply shook his head and said, “When people are hungry they should be fed. When they are sick they should be given medicine. When they are cold they should be given a roof over their heads, clothes on their back and warmth in their hearts from knowing that they are loved. This is truth and truth knows not of color or race, gender or orientation.” When asked who he would be supporting this election season he replied, “That is not for me to say.” While Jesus was not willing to officially endorse any candidate we did find it interesting that under a worn denim jacket he wore a t-shirt with an artistic rendering of a wild silver-haired man underneath the words “Feel the Bern”.

Want the t-shirt that Jesus was wearing?

The unique “Feel the Bern” t-shirt was created by Numberism Portland based artist Sienna Morris. The image of Bernie Sanders was created using intricately placed numbers and letters representing many of Sanders goals for our country. 90% of the profits from sales of the shirts are donated to the Sanders campaign and they are currently on sale HERE.

Pre-Mashup Photos by: Sergey Gabdurakhmanov and Boss Tweed