Welcome to the somewhat unbalanced mind of Orbson Rice.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Senate Passes Historic Gun Reform Bill

(Satire) I for one would like to thank Congress for finally passing some common sense gun regulations. I had doubts, but they really came through this time… 

On April 17, 2013, the U.S. Senate passed the most comprehensive gun reform bill in history. Beginning immediately all buyers of both new and used water guns will have to undergo a comprehensive background check to ensure they have the mental stability to properly care for and use their weapons. Additionally, the ammo capacity for all purchased guns has been limited to 20 ounces of water. If someone is found with a gun that contains more than 20 ounces they can be charged with a felony and put into “Time Out”.

This long awaited gun reform bill has many believing that the streets will finally be a safer and drier place. Along with background checks and ammo limitations, all high powered weapons such as the Nerf Supersoaker Scatter Blast and the Nerf Thunderstorm will no longer be available to the general public. The Scatter Blast brags at being able to hit a target 25 feet away with a “pump-handle water blaster [that] delivers five streams of water at once to soak your target to the max!” The Thunderstorm boasts that it is fully automatic and you “can just pull the trigger and blast away”. Without question removing these guns from society should drastically decrease the number of mass soakings. Along with the regulations keeping them out of the hands of the mentally unbalanced we should all feel a little safer.

Now it is time to congratulate the U.S. Senate on a job well done. For a while it appeared as thought they were in the pockets of the water gun lobby and it is good to see that they finally took strong and decisive action to protect a constituency who overwhelmingly desired gun reform. So pick up your phones or send an email and thank your senators for not being the corrupt pricks we thought they were. You can locate your senator’s contact information at Open Congress.

Photo by: Makuahine Pa'i Ki'i

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