Welcome to the somewhat unbalanced mind of Orbson Rice.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Debt Ceilings, Pennies and Stupid People

I started writing a blog dealing with the debt ceiling debate before I realized nobody probably cares. Sorry, it is on my mind, thus it is the topic of the day. Now, I could probably sum up my views in a brief 15 page position paper. Rather than bore you with endless financial ramblings, I’ll try to break down my thoughts in a more concise way. Congress, this is a non issue! Raise the damn thing like you are planning to do anyway and stop the political grandstanding. Yes, it sucks to have to borrow even more money and sink even further into debt. Now you know what it’s like for millions of American families every day. The facts are simple. There are bills that must be paid and an arbitrary debt ceiling that’s more illusion than reality. So get off your corrupt asses and just raise the damn thing. Or better yet, trash it all together. Then, keep standing up and start making the hard decisions to get this country fiscally responsible again.

As you probably guessed, I am expecting a call from my buddy Barrack any day now. The reason? Nobody knows common sense better than Orbson Rice. A lot of American zombies/citizens hear the word economy and their eyes roll back into their heads and they race off toward the nearest TV set to watch Jersey Shore. Look people, it is not that complicated. When something doesn’t work, fix it or get rid of it. What would Orbson recommend? Here are a few starting points:

First, stop making pennies! They cost more to produce then they are worth. Yes, I know it will be hard to live without those wondrous coins. How often do I come home after a long day only to find my bliss by rolling around naked on a bed of pennies. Oh I will miss you little coin but I am sorry, you’re pointless! No, this will not make a huge impact on the deficit but it just gets my panties in a bunch that this obvious money sucker continues to live on.

Secondly, close all of the extraneous post offices and shave a day or two off of deliveries. Oh shit, what about my Netflix? What am I going to do without my DVDs everyday? Read? Workout? Communicate with others? The horror… the horror…. The facts here are simple. Americans are using the post office significantly less than they were 10 years ago. Still, they've only raised postage by 10 cents and have kept far to many post offices open. Less money coming in + higher expenses = bankrupt. In 2010, the U.S. Post Office was more than $8 billion in the hole. Also, please raise the cost of a first class stamp to an even $1. See, it even helps gets rid of those damn pennies! Why do we get so annoyed when stamps raise a few cents? Think about it. We spend $5 at Hallmark for a folded piece of paper but don’t want to spend a single dollar to pay for someone to travel thousands of miles away to hand deliver it to our love ones? Now isn’t that just plain silly.

“We the people” want all of these great services like uhm the Post Office, public education, Social Security, Medicare and universal health care. Great! We should have them, we need them, but we also need to pay for them. I realize that half of this country lives in La La Land where the biggest problems are those damned homosexuals trying to get married and that black muslim president who was born in some Middle Eastern cave. But the rest of us, you know, those of us who are not crazy religious nutjobs, actually want to solve real problems with real solutions. Our government should provide the basic services needed for us to pursue “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness”. The citizens should pay the required taxes to afford those programs. All of the citizens, including big business and the ultra rich. Did you know that the richest 400 people in this country earned something like 10 times as much this past year as they did 10 years ago? How much do they pay in taxes? More than 10 percentage points less. They hire lobbyists, pundits and a “news” network to create fear using nonsensical issues to keep the sheep scared while they take turns anal raping the middle class. Enough is enough, it’s time to turn around and let us pitch for a while.

So Congress, listen to the wisdom that is Orbson. If I have financial questions I speak to my broker or a financial manager not a politician. Call in the economists, give them the budget, the tax code and some beer and let them figure this out. By the way, this is not purely a Democrat v Republican issue, though of course I have no problem trashing Republicans. This is a Congress issue, which means this is a people issue. We need to pay more attention or the next thing we know a former beauty queen who knows foreign policy because she can see Russia from her front porch will be running for Vice President. Oh shit….

Relevant Songs - "Billionaire" - Travie McCoy featuring Bruno Mars and "Price Tag" by Jessie J

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